i think i hate the color yellow. it's putrid. it's the color of piss and bees. people hate piss and people hate bees. but why do they like the color yellow?

piss and bees make me cry. if i was yellow, i'd cry. bart simpson must be suicidal. poor kid.

here's how much i hate the color yellow:

one time, i was at a biker bar and i hit on one of the biker babes. from what i hear, her tattooed thuggish boyfriend and his buddies took offense and drugged me and dropped me off in the wilderness.

i woke up near a pay phone and there was a sign for a cab. i had just enough cash in my pocket to make it back to civilization. i called the number and the lady said, "thanks for calling yellow cab."

i immediately hung up. "i'm not riding in a piss-mobile," i exclaimed to the country bumpkin next to me while he fucked a llams. so i walked back home. up hill. for 15 miles. in two feet of snow. with no shoes.

my grandpa didn't believe that story when i told him. but what does he know, anyway?

last weekend, my friend hit me in the face with a banana. thank god it wasn't ripe. (it was green). if it was yellow, i'd have stabbed him in the eye with a papaya.

bastard.

man, i hate yellow.





suddenly tragic,
ben